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• The local minister noticed a little girl standing outside of his door with a basket of kittens.
  "Hello, little girl, what do you have there?" "These are my Democratic kittens," she replied....
• One of the prison psychiatrists asked me if I thought sex was dirty, and I said it is if you're doing it right.
  -- Woody Allen, "Take the Money and Ru...
• A hillbilly boy married a hillbilly girl and went on a honeymoon.
  They were supposed to stay two weeks, but they didn't stay two weeks, they stayed one night....
• I am at two with nature. -- Woody Alle
• I am two with nature. -- Woody Alle
• I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl.
  She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on....
• When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise.
  She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder....
• I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.
  -- Woody Woodbury...
• I lay my head on the railroad tracks, Waitin' for the double E.
  The railroad don't run no more. Poor poor pitiful me....