Related:

• She was a very intelligent woman. I remember one time I thought she was cheating on me, but I couldn't prove it.
  So I followed her. She picked this guy up and they drove to a motel....
• I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.
  -- Woody Woodbury...
• We're going to find out tonight who the oldest lady in the audience is.
  And we have a marvelous present for her. When we find the oldest lady, we're going to give her ....
• I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk.
  Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor....
• Joan, the rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.
  She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan....
• The sky was dark, the moon was high All alone just she and I Her hair was sof
  her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do Her skin so soft, her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine I didn't know how but I tried my best I started by placing my hands on her breast I remember my fear, my fast beating heart But slowly she spread her legs apart And when I did it I felt no shame All at once - the white stuff came At last it's finished, it's all over now My first time ever at milking a cow....
• Gladys: To my sister Jackie, I leave my pet Iguana, Jub-Jub.
  Jackie: Why didn't she just leave me the bowel obstruction that killed her? -- "Selma's Choice...
• COONDOG MEMORY (heard in Rutledge, Missouri, about eighteen years ago) Now
  his dog is for sale, and she can not only follow a trail twice as old as the average dog can, but she's got a pretty good memory to boot....
• My wife doesn't give me any trouble anymore. She died.
  I had her cremated. I mixed in a little marijuana and smoked her....