Related:

• I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?
  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks....
• God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go.
  "Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter. "No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God....
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• Cheshire-Puss," she began, "would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
  "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat....
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• My sister's asthmatic. In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene phone call.
  The guy said, "Did I call you or did you call me?" -- John Mendoza...
• Nothing that's forced can ever be right, If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
  That's what she said as she turned out the light, And we bent our backs as slaves of the night, Then she lowered her guard and showed me the scars She got from trying to fight Saying, oh, you'd better believe it....