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• I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any questio
  I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?...
• I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading.
  Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question....
• I got a ticket the other day...I pleaded insanity. The judge asked me why, and I asked him, 'would any sane person park in the passing lane?
  ' I asked, 'Judge, nice day, isn't it?' He said yes....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.
  One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing....
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• I woke up this morning, and I realized that somebody had broken into my apartment, stolen all my things and replaced them with exact duplicates.
  I asked my roommate if he noticed anything, and he said, 'Who are you?...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....