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• I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any questio
  I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?...
• I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked if I had any questions.
  I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• One time the police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Don't you know the speed limit is fifty-five miles an hour?
  I said, "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?
  I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it....
• A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book The Martian Chronicles?
  ' I said, `Yes?' He said, `You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the East?...
• Last year I entered the LA marathon. I finished last.
  It was embarrassing. And the guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me....
• I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu.
  The headwaiter said, Don't I know you? -- Steven Wrigh...
• One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign.
  He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read....