Related:

• I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it.
  First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk....
• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies?
  One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars....
• I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president.
  Then somehow I get myself elected president. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store.
  On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control....
• If all the people in China stood up on chairs, and, at the same moment, jumped down on the ground, we would be in deep, deep trouble.
• I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...