Related:

• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size
  and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there....
• There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey
  because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY," but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that....
• At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.
  But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?...
• I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp.
  That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him....
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd.
  Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship....
• If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class.
  It's just too rich a subject. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...