Related:

• America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
  JOHN BARRYMORE...
• America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
• The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good. John Barrymore
• America is the only country left where we teach languages so that no pupil can speak them.
  -- John Erskine...
• How many referral agents -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago....
• The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
  -- John Barrymore...
• A hillbilly boy married a hillbilly girl and went on a honeymoon.
  They were supposed to stay two weeks, but they didn't stay two weeks, they stayed one night....
• Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
  -- John Barrymore...
• The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.
  -- J. Brecheux...