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• Krabappel: As you know, Bart, your permanent record will one day disqualify you from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs.
  Skinner: What do you say, son? You keep our secret and some other student can inherit your gloomy, windblown future....
• Minuteman: A fellow who can make it to the refrigerator and back with a sandwich while the commercial is on television.
  -- "Laughs Unlimited...
• There's one rich man in Chelsea who's so snobbish he won't even ride in the same car as his chauffeur.
  -- David Fro...
• Quote #198 Not so, just scared. Think of the poor lady who feared the metric system because she couldn't afford to have her gas tank removed from her car and replaced with one that holds liters instead of gallons.
  -- Kenneth S. Manning...
• Optimist: A male who thinks she won't try. -- "Laughs Unlimited
• A farmer decides that his three sows should be bred, and contacts a buddy down the road, who owns several boars.
  They agree on a stud fee, and the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and takes them down the road to the boars....
• Burns: That man who's getting all those laughs, Smithers.
  ..who is he? Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir, one of the carbon blobs from sector 7-G, but I don't think -- Bu...
• A conservative is a man who wants the rules changed so no one can make a pile the way he did.
  -- Gregory Nu...