Related:

• My wife divorced me because I was having fries on the side.
• I knew her before she was a virgin. -- Oscar Levant, on Doris Day
• Political economy: two words that should be divorced on grounds of incompatibility.
  -- The Wall Street Journal...
• I am no more humble than my talents require. -- Oscar Leva
• My wife loves ME, It's the computer she hates!
• A pun is the lowest form of humour, when you don't think of it first. -- Oscar Leva
• A man was griping to his friend about how he hated to go home after a late card games.
  "You wouldn't believe what I go through to avoid waking my wife," he said....
• My wife has this one wonderful trait - she worships me!
• Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.
  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me....