Related:

• Kid goes into barber shop and orders his very long hair cut to the roots.
  Older bystander laughingly asks him how much weight he has lost in doing this....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• Did you hear about the Newfie that Put his hat on his head in the john, so he would know what end to wipe.
• A feed salesman is on his way to a farm. As he's driving along at forty m.
  p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running alongside him, keeping pace with his car....
• Joey: All right. [gets up] Monica: [stopping him] No!
  Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!...
• Homer: First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk -- probably.
  Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son!...
• One day this guy is finally fed up with his middle-class existence and decides to do something about it.
  He calls up his best friend, who is a mathematical genius....
• The only thing he ever takes out on a moonlit night is his upper plate. -- Fred Alle