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• I'm not gay, my husband is.
• Bart: I thought I'd be jumping for joy the day Skinner got fired.
  Now all I have is this weird hot feeling in the back of my head....
• My Seventh Husband: Ivana Newhouse
• My wife doesn't give me any trouble anymore. She died.
  I had her cremated. I mixed in a little marijuana and smoked her....
• I am in total control, but don't tell my husband.
• I used to have a life, then my husband got the modem!
• I used to call [Count Basie] one of my lawyers. He would give me such beautiful advice.
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• This is Betty Frenel. I don't know who to call but I can't reach my Food-a-holics partner.
  I'm at Vido's on my second pizza, with sausage and mushroom. Jim, come and get me!...