Related:

• This is Betty Frenel. I don't know who to call but I can't reach my Food-a-holics partner.
  I'm at Vido's on my second pizza with sausage and mushroom. Jim, come and get me!...
• I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but it has come to my attention that if you call for a Pizza right after you called the police because your house was robbed
  he Domino Truck will get there first!...
• My husband forgot my birthday and my anniversary. I didn't feel bad.
  On the contrary. Give me a guilty husband any day....
• Lisa: I'm really sorry about what I did, Alison. It's no shame being second to you.
  Alison: Thank you, Lisa. You know, I'm actually kind of glad I lost....
• If I could read your mind, love, What a tale your thoughts could tell
  Just like a paperback novel, The kind the drugstore sells, When you reach the part where the heartaches come, The hero would be me, Heroes often fail, You won't read that book again, because the ending is just too hard to take....
• My first psychiatrist said I was paranoid, but I want a second opinion because I think he's out to get me.
  -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.
  One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing....
• I Call My Horse Flattery Because He Gets Me Nowhere.