Related:

• My mother invented me. My father denies!
• When I emerged from my mothers uterus, I was the size of a chicken bouillon cube and Father said to the obstetricia
  `I realise that at this age it's difficult to prognosticate his chances for a productive life, but if he's going to to remain six-sided & 0....
• Ned: [notes Marge squeezing a grapefruit] Marge Simpson!
  Still making juice the old-fashioned way? [actually, Marge is squeezing it on Lisa's hair] Lisa...
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed for the embankment.
  -- Excerpt from insurance form....
• I had to go to analysis. They told me I had an unresolved Oedipus complex, which, according to them, meant I want to sleep with my mother.
  Which is preposterous. My father doesn't even want to sleep with my mother. -- Dennis Wolfberg...
• One night my mother sent me to fetch the doctor. "What's the matter with me?
  I'm sick from top to bottom. My head pounds, my eyes flicker, my heart jumps, my stomach gurgles, my knees crack, my ankles swell, my feet burn, and I myself don't feel so good....
• God save me from my friends. I can protect myself from my enemies. Marshall de Villare
• My mother thanks you, my father thanks you...
• My mother was a test tube; my father was a knife. -- Friday