Related:

• If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
• Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why.
  It told me it was none of my business. -- Steven Wrigh...
• Today is the first day of the rest of my death. Tomorrow will be the next day of it. Bwwaahh.
• Jacek, a Polish schoolboy, is told by his teacher that he has been chosen to carry the Polish flag in the May Day parade.
  "Why me?" whines the boy. "Three years ago I carried the flag when Brezhnev was the Secretary...
• Days of my life I'd like to forget: The day the doctors told me I was sick.
  The day I had to tell my friends I was ill. The day my hair fell out....
• My, my--65! I guess this marks the first day of the rest of our life savings. -- H. Marti
• Today is the first day of the rest of your life.