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• My teacher told me that today was the first day of the rest of my life.
  That explains why I didn't do yesterday's homework. -- Lorne Ellio...
• The best advice I've ever received? How about the strangest?
  When I was thirteen, my father took me aside and told me that all a girl needed to know to get by in life was written on the top of a mayonnaise jar....
• My grandfather told me that there are no free rides in this world.
  This is why I do not take federal grants of funding for Westside Preparatory School....
• My, my--65! I guess this marks the first day of the rest of our life savings. -- H. Marti
• I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
  I haven't had time for tobacco since. -- Arturo Toscanini...
• I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
  I haven't had time for tobacco since. TOSCANINI...
• Marge: What makes you think this Darryl Strawberry character is better than you?
  Homer: Marge, forget it. He's bigger than me, faster than me, stronger than me, and he already has more friends around the plant than I do....
• The other day I put my wrists in front of my eyes. I had Carpal Tunnel Vision Syndrome.
• Q: "Truthfully, Jean-Luc, I've been entirely preoccupied by a most *frightening* experience of my on.
  A couple of hours ago, I realized that my body was no longer functioning properly....