Related:

• There *are* standards. If you can't see one, you *make* one and stick to it come Hell or high water -- until you see a BETTER one.
  -- John Gaunt, aka GRIMJACK...
• A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?
  . "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man....
• Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
• Marge: Are you all right, Homer? Homer: I'm fine, I'm just thinking.
  Marge: I've been thinking, too. You know Homer, you've always been such a good provider....
• The more I look, the more I like it. I do think it's good. I wish you were here to see it.
• Homer: Woo hoo! I'm so glad to have my mom back. I never realized how much I missed her!
  Marge: [pause] She's nice. Homer: But...? Marge: I just don't think you should get too excited about the woman who abandoned you for 25 years....
• Grimes: God, he eats like a pig. Lenny: I dunno.
  Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck....
• Bart: Hey, Dad. What's the word with Planet Crackpot?
  Homer: Oh, I suppose _you're_ going to mock me, too!...
• Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
  Well, I haven't. I find that whenever a woman becomes friends with me, she becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damn nuisance...