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• I got a ticket the other day...I pleaded insanity. The judge asked me why, and I asked him, 'would any sane person park in the passing lane?
  ' I asked, 'Judge, nice day, isn't it?' He said yes....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now. -- S. Wrigh
• Yes, I WAS wearing my seat belt!
• Man #1: Champ, do you feel remorse for your crime? Tatum
  Oh, yes. Believe me, my god, if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair-pushing, I would certainly....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book The Martian Chronicles?
  ' I said, `Yes?' He said, `You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the East?...
• Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder.
  Harpo my boy," he said, "I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember....
• Apu: He is the benevolent and enlightened president and C.
  E.O. of Kwik-E-Mart -- and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart....