Related:

• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
  Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb....
• I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
  o i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?...
• I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said, "Can I help you?
  I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't know what you need" I said, "You started it....
• My friend Sappo was real depressed. He said, "I can't get any girls.
  I said, "Don't worry, listen, tomorrow we're going swimming....
• A hillbilly boy married a hillbilly girl and went on a honeymoon.
  They were supposed to stay two weeks, but they didn't stay two weeks, they stayed one night....
• You can expose yourself on the subway and it doesn't cost you a dime.
  Unless you spit. Then it's a twenty-five-dollar fine....
• I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?
  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks....