Related:

• This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to.
  .. I mean, do FOR you. -- Answering machine madness - playing with the calle...
• Sorry that we're not at home. Please leave a message after the tone.
  When we get in, We'll give you a ring. Until then, wait by the phone....
• Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?
  ) Isn't that *my* question? (Pause.) Please leave a message....
• This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there.
  .. (Long silence...) BEEP -- Answering machine madness - playing with the calle...
• I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow.
  So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow....
• Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back.
  .. (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good....
• This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read.
  So please use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation, and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it....
• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine?
  Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist....