Related:

• Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Prese
  ) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up....
• Demented, screechy voice; occasional background scream
  ) Hello. Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic....
• Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away.
  Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer....
• Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
  We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator....
• Fun to leave on a friend's machine when he's away..
  . Sounds of raptuous sex:) Hi. Mike can't come to the phone right now because he's having sex....
• Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence.
  I, Kato, will go and get honorable Chan. (Godzilla scream....
• We're not home now. Leave your name and number and we'll call you back as soon as you are a vegetarian.
  (Replace "vegetarian" with prejudice of your choice....
• Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.
  .. (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can....
• If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
  Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message....