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• One pill makes you larger And if you go chasing rabbits And, one pill makes you small.
  And you know you're going to fall. And the ones that mother gives you, Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar Don't do anything at all....
• If you ask your mother for one egg for breakfast, and she gives you two, but you eat them both, who is better at arithmetic
  you or your mother?...
• A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake.
  Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help....
• Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
  If there's anything special we can do for you, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask!...
• If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
• You need to relax, Dax. Take a chill pill, trill!
• Anything that kills you makes you...well, dead.
• It is not going to be a good day when you ask the mechanic for an estimate and he says he has to go inside for a larger calculator.
• Homer: You did _what_?! Bart: I borrowed your nail clipper.
  What's the big deal? Homer: Nothing. I'm just a little edgy since your mother told me she wants to be a cop....