Related:

• MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one.
  Important. Material things I know, or fell, or see...
• MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• ENVELOPE, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill
  he husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter....
• ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FOREFINGER, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity.
  Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull....
• CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house.
  Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse....