Related:

• A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the longest procession he's ever seen.
  It seems to consist of the hearse, followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred other men....
• The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
  "I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it....
• A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone.
  After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it....
• Homer: Wait a minute...even Lenny is teaching a class!
  Look at the way they admire and adore him....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Quimby: I guess we're not going to find anything. Otto
  Um, how are we going to get out of here? Homer: We'll dig our way out!...
• Joey: All right. [gets up] Monica: [stopping him] No!
  Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!...
• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds.
  By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew....