Related:

• LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• GENEALOGY, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears.
  There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets....
• PAINTING, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
  Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work...
• Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer from the greed of his customer.
  -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary...
• WALL STREET, n. A symbol for sin for every devil to rebuke.
  That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven....
• PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands.
  Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution....
• EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DRAGOON, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...