Related:

• VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• There are two instruments worse than a clarinet. Two clarinets.
• RECTOR, n. In the Church of England, the Third Person of the parochial Trinity, the Cruate and the Vicar being the other two.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood.
  The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one....
• RECRUIT, n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.
  Fresh from the farm or factory or street, His marching, in pursuit or in retreat, Were an impressive martial spectacle Except for two impediments -- his feet....
• LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...