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• Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
  -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studie...
• Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep." -- Fran Lebowitz
• Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. -- Fran Lebowitz
• A Teenager is someone who gets excited when they discover that the phone call was for them, but this stage of life doesn't last very long.
• Never allow your child to call you by your first name.
  He hasn't known you long enough. -- Fran Lebowitz...
• If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
  -- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life...
• I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. -- Fran Lebowitz
• Remember that when you hear a horse, it might be a zebra.
• Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discotheque and beg a wallpaper designer to take you in with him.
  -- Fran Lebowitz...