Related:

• LL.D. Letters indicating the degree _Legumptionorum Doctor_, one learned in laws, gifted with legal gumption.
  Some suspicion is cast upon this derivation by the fact that the title was formerly _LL....
• CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• MOUSQUETAIRE, n. A long glove covering a part of the arm.
  Worn in New Jersey. But "mousquetaire" is a might poor way to spell muskeeter....
• MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• SAFETY-CLUTCH, n. A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LUMINARY, n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.
  This important distinction between ubiquity and omnipresence was not clear to the mediaeval Church and there was much bloodshed about it....
• CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
  A busy man complained one day: "I get no time!...