Related:

• Man, n.: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
  His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada....
• TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder.
  His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder....
• Man, n.: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks e is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
  His hief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own pecies, which, however, multiplies with such insistent apidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada....
• Technicality, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused a neighbor of murder.
  His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of his head fell on one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder....
• ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...