Related:

• Technicality, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused a neighbor of murder.
  His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of his head fell on one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder....
• CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.
  So skilled the parson was in homiletics That all his normal purges and emetics To medicine the spirit were compounded With a most just discrimination founded Upon a rigorous examination Of tongue and pulse and heart and respiration....
• There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionallly put up with taking in a round with his wife.
  One time (with his wife along) he was having an extremely bad round....
• Inadmissible: Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with
  and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves alone....
• POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York.
  Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others....
• On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked exactly like his neighbor's.
  Stopping hurriedly on the side of the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris....
• RANK, n. Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.
  He held at court a rank so high That other noblemen asked why....