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• She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue caught in the toaster.
  -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get. -- Rodney Dangerfield
• Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
• My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
  -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"?
  I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife....
• Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To fetch her poor daughter a dress.
  When she got there, the cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess......
• I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own.
  One of them said, "So will you." -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.