Related:

• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield
• Last week I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age.
  She locked me in the cellar ... My wife's an earth sign....
• I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.
  ... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.......
• I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"?
  I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife....
• Narrator: The moon. For several years, she has fascinated many.
  But will man ever walk on her fertile surface?...
• I went on a diet, cut out drinking, cut out smoking, cut out eating, cut out all my bad habits, and in fourteen days, I lost a full two weeks.
  -- Joe E. Lewis, 1902-1971...
• I once asked my father if things were bad for him during the Depression.
  He said the first six months were bad, then he got used to me. -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• Lenny: See, all along I've been telling Carl I'm married to a beauty queen.
  Now, he's coming over for dinner. Marge: Oh, Lenny, I'm sure he'll like your wife no matter what she looks like....