Related:

• Barney: Next, they're going to show _my_ movie. Ba
  _You_ made a movie? Barney: _I_ made a movie? No wonder I was on the cover of "Entertainment Weekly"....
• Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger.
  He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure....
• I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at the movie theater.
  So I bought the album. I got kicked out of a theater the other day for bringing my own food in....
• I have a friend who's a billionaire. He invented Cliff notes.
  When I asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, 'Well first I....
• Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
  Handel was half German, half Italian and half English....
• No lady, I said you've got great set of BITS.
• I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards.
  I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank....
• Parker: Okay, then get this: I think they want you to play McBain's sidekick in.
  .. brace yourself, the new McBain movie! Troy: McBain's sidekick?...
• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex....