Related:

• If you sold umbrellas, it would never rain.
• UMBRELLA An object of amazing qualities. Umbrellas are even more adept at detaching themselves from their owners than stationery.
  They also send out subconscious thoughts to their owners....
• There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.
• January: People spent all their cash for the holidays February
  All the best customers have gone south March: Unseasonably cold and too rainy April...
• The rain in Spain falls mainly ... down.
• He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
• Marge: Night vision goggles? A bathroom scale from a soviet sub?
  A suede briefcase case? [growls] Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol must have some terrible emotional problems....
• Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves.
  -- Robert Anton Wilso...
• Q: Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?
  A: Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise? Oh, right, *of course*!...