There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe She Said "with My Pension, That's All I Can Do" It May Be Substandard, But Just Down The Block, I Know An Old Lady Who Lives In A Sock.

I attribute my old age to having lived a long time.
Most people who do this are older than those who do not....
My next-door neighbor's little girl, 16 years old, pretty little girl--showed up just as pregnant as she could be.
Her mama hit the ceiling. She said, "Who done it?...
Burns: Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?
Smithers: I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?...
We're going to find out tonight who the oldest lady in the audience is.
And we have a marvelous present for her. When we find the oldest lady, we're going to give her ....
A five-year-old kid raised his hand at school. The teacher declined to let him leave the room.
Five minutes later she reversed herself. She said, "All right, Sonny, you may go now....
I said to my old husband, "I'm gonna take you out into the country for a picnic.
Do you like the country?" He said, "Sure I do. When I was a little boy, I used to live in the country....
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
I was hitting some horrible shots one time. It wasn't unusual for me.
I turned to the old guy who was caddying for me, and I said, "I suppose you've seen worse golfers in your time....
Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...