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• They told me it would disrupt my life less if I got killed sooner. -- Joseph Helle
• My analyst told me that I was right out of my head, But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead.
  Because I have got a thing that is unique and new, To prove it I'll have the last laugh on you....
• Clippit Charged With Attempted Murder Microsoft's Dancing Paper Clip turned violent last week and nearly killed a university student testing a new Windows-based human-computer interface.
  The victim is expected to make a full recovery, although psychiatrists warn that the incident may scar him emotionally for life....
• I don't exercise. What's in it for me? You've got to offer me more than my life to get me on a Stairmaster grunting for two hours.
  I view my body as a way of getting my head from one place to another. -- Dave Thoma...
• Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• A Requiem For Today's Technologist A computer is my lover The only life I've ever known I've given it my soul And in return I've got it's own.
  I tried to love a human But he filled my days with pain The ache was so intense, I swore I'd not love man again....
• They told me I was gullible...and I believed them!
• They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!