Related:

• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• My father was doing some strange chores for my mother.
  They won't tell me what kind. -- How did your mom and dad meet?? -- Jeremy, AGE 8...
• Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
  Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
• I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car.
  I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me....
• Marge: All right, all right, but if you win, don't make a scene and dance around with your "woo-hoo"s, please!
  We can't afford a single slipup. They're judging us....
• It is always preferable to visit home with a friend.
  Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings....
• Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #9 Dial-A-Detective $499.
  95/year; 1-888-BYE-SPAM This detective firm is not what you'd expect....
• We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at nigh
  half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our grave singing Haleleuia ....
• We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at nigh
  half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our grave singing Haleleuia ....