Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement? Maybe I could
have been something more than I am. Like a travel agent, to a
great scientist, or the inventor of a hilarious refrigerator
alarm.
Abe: Who are you to complain? You locked me up in a home and give me
the same damn shower safety seat every Christmas.
[in the car]
Homer: Your whole life you never said one nice thing to me.
Abe: That's 'cause you're a screw-up.
Homer: _You're_ the screw-up!
Abe: Why you little -- [strangles Homer]
Homer: All right, all right. That's it: we're going home! I'm sick of
you and your stupid tonic.
Abe: If I hadn't taken that stupid tonic 38 years ago, you'd have
never been born and I'd have been happy. You were an accident!
Homer: [gasps, stops car] Get out.
Abe: I'm sorry I said that.
Homer: Out.
Abe: I'm going to get out of the car, and I hope you'll find it in
your heart not to drive away -- [Homer skids off]
Well, I'll be all right as long as I can remember my army
training.
[that night, Abe still stands there] Dang.
-- The painful truth comes out,
"Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
