Related:

• I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank.
  I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this &l...
• I got an aunt named Minnie. Weighs 264. When she sits on the chair there's so much of her there--most of her sits on the floor.
  -- Morey Amsterdam...
• My car isn't broken down, it's mechanically challenged!
• And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lip
  to have questioned her, that she might have opened them...
• Jane and I got mixed up with a television show -- or as we call it back east here
  TV -- a clever contraction derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville....
• While walking down a crowded City street the other day
  I heard a little urchin To a comrade turn and say, "Say, Chimmey, lemme tell youse, I'd be happy as a clam If only I was de feller dat Me mudder t'inks I am....
• My girlfriend got crabs so I bought her fishnet stockings.
• Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice, Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
  .. -- Tom Lehre...