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• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information.
  She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks....
• I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold outside.
  The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees today,' and I said 'Oops....
• So I said to myself, "Self," I said...
• Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" -- Steven Wrigh
• I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime.
  So I ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance. -- Steven Wrigh...
• In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you could know exactly when and where you would die, would you want to?
  I said "no". She said, "ok, then forget it". -- Steven Wrigh...
• Smile" they said, "It could be worse". So I did - and it was...