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• To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary.
  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad....
• TO ME, CLOWNS AREN'T FUNNY. In fact, they're kinda scary.
  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad....
• If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your ac
  I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much....
• The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me.
  I remember we'd all pile into the car---I forget what kind it was---and drive and drive....
• When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!
  Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life....
• I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.
  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me....
• Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait.
  Not me, you. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...