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Sometimes I Think I'd Be Better Off Dead. No, Wait.
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Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Related:
Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it.
There's got to be a better way. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes!
Hey, better try the emergency brake! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...