Related:

• RAZOR, n. An instrument used by the Caucasian to enhance his beauty, by the Mongolian to make a guy of himself, and by the Afro-American to affirm his worth.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PLEBISCITE, n. A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears.
  There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets....
• COURT FOOL, n. The plaintiff. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• COMPULSION, n. The eloquence of power. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...