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• What?" you cry. "Wizards sometimes must endure torture?
  And it is true, for being a wizard does not exempt you from any of the trials and tribulations experienced by other humans....
• And what is the professional wizard's greatest reward for completing a particularly arduous and dangerous task?
  Is it the accolades of a grateful populace? Is it huge amounts of gold and silver tossed about his feet?...
• A wizard must always know how to use words. Practice smiling as you recite the following simple exercise.
  First: "The spell has not worked. It is best that you get out of your house before it explodes....
• Perhaps I have given you the wrong impression. A wizard's life is not all fame, fortune and frivolity.
  There must be periods of rest as well, when a wizard should find a safe retreat where he can seclude himself from sorcery and restore his health and vitality in the proper ascetic atmosphere....
• The professional wizard, it is said, should always watch his hands.
  Actually, the truly professional wizard should watch a great many other things as well, including the reactions of his audience, the door or window that constitutes the nearest exit, and, perhaps most important, the constantly fluctuating interest rates on his retirement account in the First Bank of Vushta....
• There comes a time when every wizard should retire, and pass the mantle of responsibility on to younger shoulders.
  It behooves us, then, to teach our successors well, so that the new wizard may do honor to our names, attract the very best of clients, and be well enough paid to support our retirement home in Vushta....
• And how do professional wizards cope with stress? Stress?
  The real wizard doesn't even recognize the meaning of the word....
• Reunions can be a wonderful thing, especially when neither of the reunited parties manage to recall what separated them in the first place.
  -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Wizard's Digest Condensed editio...
• Wizards are constantly subject to negative publicity.
  A case in point. One elderly wizard of my acquaintance, whenever he was bothered by unexpected guests, would immediately cast one of three spells upon them, either turning them to stone, transforming them into segmented worms, or blasting them entirely out of the kingdom....