Related:

• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• Skinner: Now, Bart, son. I don't know what you think you saw .
  .. but, uh ... let me assure you... Krabappel...
• A man meets a girl at a party and asks her if she fancies a quick 68.
  "A 68 ?" asks the girl, "What's one of those then?...
• Phoebe: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
  Mr. Adelman: You're saying, my wife is in you? Phoebe...
• Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents -- What Exactly is marriage?
  ? -- Eric, AGE 6...
• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....
• Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
  2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow....
• An old man lost all his money. Seventy years old, hasn't got a dime.
  Who does he blame? His wife. He says, "If you were a good wife, you'd go out and work for me....