Related:

• I know you think you uderstood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
• You just know when a relationship is about to end. My girlfriend called me at work and asked me how you change a lightbulb in the bathroom.
  It's very simple," I said. "You start by filling up the bathtub with water......
• Homer: Where are you going? Marge: I don't know. Home
  When will you be home? Marge: I'm not sure. Home...
• I'm not asking you to LIVE in sin, only to visit awhile..
• Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen. When the Tacoma Sperm Bank was looking for donors, naturally I applied.
  It's my civic duty and I like whales. A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile....
• You know you should be swimming when . . . People have asked you on several occasions what *is*, in fact, the Best Tuna.
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Stephen Wrigh...
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wrigh...