Related:

• Phoebe: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
  Mr. Adelman: You're saying, my wife is in you? Phoebe...
• Fry: "Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't her's, it was her dad's.
  Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains....
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• One pill makes you larger And if you go chasing rabbits And, one pill makes you small.
  And you know you're going to fall. And the ones that mother gives you, Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar Don't do anything at all....
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• I was hitting some horrible shots one time. It wasn't unusual for me.
  I turned to the old guy who was caddying for me, and I said, "I suppose you've seen worse golfers in your time....
• When I was a young newspaperman, an old, gray- haired sportswriter named Harry Grayson said to me
  Always remember: when you freeload, bitch. You maintain dignity." -- Ira Berkow...
• We were very poor when I was a kid. I remember one winter, it snowed and I didn't have a sled.
  I used to go downhill on my cousin. And you know, she wasn't bad. -- Joey Bishop...