Related:

• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -- Emo Philip
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• My girlfriend said I never listen to her, or something.
• When you're dating you're so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me.
  I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died?...
• Bart: There. If I can just get through this many days without seeing her she should be completely out of my system.
  OK: day one. [circles it] Marge: Time for church, Bart!...
• Duncan [Phoebe's Husband]: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this.
  I'm straight. Phoebe: Huuh. Duncan: Yeah, I know, I....
• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength.
  But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant....