Related:

• The price of Christmas toys is outrageous--a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters.
  I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid....
• You know your son is growing up when he looks at a girl the way he used to look at chocolate cake.
• A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?
  ' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator....
• Picard: "Sarek! I've come a long way to see you." Sarek
  I will not answer!" Picard: "I must talk to you about your son....
• You know you've been hacking too long when... ...your friends who aren't hackers wonder what happened to you.
• Anybody abuse rental cars? If I'm really bored I'll take one to Earl Scheib and have it painted for $
  29.95. This really messes up their paperwork for months and months....
• A diplomat is a person who: + -always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.
  + -always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats....
• Ross: I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for!
  Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter! Rachel: What?...
• Kids, let me tell you about another so-called [makes quotation marks with fingers] "wicked" guy.
  He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right....