Related:

• CHURCH A church is either (a) a big, generally impressive-looking building where people go to indulge in religious activities, or (b) a rash commonly found on the upper-thigh.
  I think it's (b). One well-known cure is to dab it with a cream mixed from worm manure, cow snot and crushed caterpillars....
• There are two real incentives toward reducing your weight during the summer season.
  One is a swim suit that all too easily shows where the bulges are that should't be, and the other is that lawn chair that gets up when you do, and goes with you!...
• Luge is the only sport where you can die during the event and still win.
• The Big Bloodsucker Bites The Big One...
• Mental Ground Zero: The location where one visualizes oneself during the dropping of the atomic bomb
  frequently, a shopping mall. -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X...
• Theory of Selective Supervision: The one time during the day you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks by.
• Seits's Law of Higher Education: The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester.
• The fish that escaped is the big one.
• Paul: What? She's leaving home? Lisa: Wow! Paul McCartney!
  I read about you in history class. So where's your wife Linda?...